11 reasons why I am too old to go out...

On the weekend I was invited out to a bar. While sitting on a stool the entire time I was there (see below for explanation) I contemplated why I am too old to go out:

1. Tried on my 'bar/clubbing' clothes and they did not fit. Could not button or zip many of my dresses.

2. Was very tired and yawning about an hour before going out.

3. Mum was over as she was the designated babysitter. She commented on how it was inappropriate for a mother of three to be going out to a bar.

4. Mum then looked at my outfit and commented on how it was inappropriate for a mother of three to be wearing what I was wearing. ***P.S. nothing has changed in 16 years, mum always thought my outfits were inappropriate.

5. My four year old daughter watched me apply make-up.

6. Had forgotten how to walk in high heels. Felt like it was my first experiece with heels.

7. A female (NOT a male) gave me quite a few very knowing looks. What the ###

8. Had several conversations with other mums at the club about mastitis, leaking boobs, breast pads etc.

9. Actually left the bar at 12.45am as could stay awake no longer.

10. I always thought Robert Harvey was so so old (he is referred to as the old man in footy). It only dawned on me the other day that he is about a year older than me!

11. Finally, felt like crap the next day!!!!!!!

Must mention that hubby of course thought he knew where the bar was and would not listen or take note of my directions (even though I had been to this bar before) and parked 3 blocks away from the destination. Well, guess who could no longer tolerate heels after 3 blocks and so had to stay seated in the bar????????

Despite all of the above, hubby just mentioned that we have been invited to yet another birthday at a bar in the city this Saturday night. Oh my God...

Go Cats (specifically the gorgeous Jimmy Bartel).

A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Hi to all after a 3-4 month hiatus. The Pies have made the finals so we play Adelaide next Saturday in Adelaide. Briefly contemplated flying over to Adelaide but decided against it. I now have three kids to consider before I think about following the Pies interstate. Consoling myself by thinking about the money I will be saving. Anyway, all this finals talk is irrelevant because NO TEAM IS GOING TO BEAT GEELONG.

Have had one of those great Sunday afternoons at home with the family. We played UNO (remember that?) while listening to Michael Jackson all afternoon as one of the music channels on Foxtel had a special on him. Makes me wonder what happened to Michael Jackson?????? Such a real super talent but now a super nut case. I went to his concert at the MCG and remember being mesmerised by his presence and talent. Still think it was the best concert I have ever been to. Even the kids were watching him on TV and trying to unsuccessfully do the 'moonwalk.' Hubby and I are now in bed watching yet another music special; Top 500 Greatest Pop Songs. So many cheezy songs we loved and had forgotten. Am singing along to 'Uptown Girl'.

Must not forget to mention our new bundle of joy, Jack (see above). He is now 5 weeks old and absolutely beautiful. Hubby and I have hopelessly fallen in love yet again.

Bye for now but remember IN 2008 ...

WE BEAT GEELONG, THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL

WE BEAT GEELONG, THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL

Hello!!!!!!!!

A big hello from me. Heeelllllllloooooooo!!!!!!!! Have not written for ages I know. Have not been inspired to write. Actually, I am up the duff and feeling very much like a beach whale. My back is hurting, I am close to fainting whenever I overheat, I am tired all the time. blah blah blah, need I go on. Today I went to the football, why I went to see that miserable display by the pies, I do not know. However, the point of my story is that the STARING has begun. I refer to people staring at my very big belly probably wondering if I am crazy going to the footy. I quite vividly remember being at the Telstra Dome when I was heavily pregnant with my second child, and having lots of men stare. Even my male cousin commented on all the staring. They probably think that pregnant women should stay home. Back to today, I was on standing on the train and two separate rather good looking boys (or men) in their twenties offered me their seats!!! Who said young people have no manners???

I am having some hormonal issues at the moment. I absolutely have no tolerance and am blaming it on pregnancy hormones. So many people are annoying me at the moment. The two couples in the supermarket blocking the aisles because they were pashing. Oh my god, seriously, in a supermarket. What are the thinking??????? The stupid lady in the Post Office, told her what I thought of her which was quite embarrassing considering I had to go back the following day. The following day, the man behind the desk looked scared serving me, clearly because he remembered me from the day before (he was standing next to the lady I abused). But ... the most annoying people of all are the people who sit at the end of my row at the football. They annoy me so much that I personally went into the Lexus Centre yesterday to request a seat change. The lady who is in charge of seating asked me why I wanted to change seats and I replied in quite a loud voice "BECAUSE THE PEOPLE THAT SIT NEXT TO ME ARE PSYCHOTIC." Lets just say that I received quite a few strange looks. I really should explain. You see these people do not have any common courtesy and do not think they need to budge when myself or my friends need to exit our row. Why do they sit on the end if they are bothered by people trying to get through?? And ... there is the one psycho supporter who spends the entire game criticising umpires in his very girlie voice. Anyway, the last time we were at the footy - the day that the Pies lost to Carlton - we weren't exactly in the best of moods and tried to leave early. The Crazy People of course, would not BUDGE to let us through so the four of us quite physically pushed our way through and felt proud of our efforts. Suffice to say, today at the footy the Crazy people actually made way for us aaannnddd smiled at us. Who said being physical is not the best way to go???

Must very briefly comment on the dismal effort displayed by Collingwood today. They were unaccountable and WEAK. Actually, yesterday at the Lexus centre, I spotted a few Collingwood players and was quite surprised at how skinny they were. Have they not discovered steroids??? Of course when we get thrashed I often receive quite a few text messages. Well tonight I received an anonymous one. This was the message: ARE THEY SHIT OR HOPELESS, NO ITS THE PIES. I feel very annoyed as I have no idea who sent it. Is that just mean??

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember me?????

A very big hhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! Remember me? The little magpie has been really busy. There is a little rumor circulating that the reason I have not updated my blog is because the footy season is over. Well I am not sure if that is the case, maybe it is, I don't know. Must let you know what has inspired me to write again. Last night I was watching 'Girls of the playboy mansion' ............ very embarrassing I know but I really love the show. I am truly fascinated by it all. I normally really dislike reality TV but there is just something about this show. Hef (aka Hugh Hefner) not only has three girlfriends that live with him however he has other girlfriends on the side who have all -of course- posed for the playboy magazine. Anyway, back to what has inspired me to write again ... the three girlfriends - Holly, Bridget and Kendra - were all posing nude for playboy which according to each of them is a "dream come true." One scene involved Holly and Kendra pretending to wash each other in the shower (as one does) and afterwards when they were reflecting back on the experience, Holly said ............ drum roll please............... "WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY FOR TWO GOOD FRIENDS TO BOND." I was in absolute hysterics. In which world do friends shower together as a bonding experience????? Maybe in the playboy world. Anyway, sadly that is what inspired me to write. Incidentally, you might be wandering why the third girlfriend was not part of the shower scene ... she was at university completing her PhD. Of course!!!!!!!! Have to add that hubby cannot understand why I love the show. Actually I cannot understand why I watch it. Do other people watch it???

Need to add how spoilt I am at the moment. My very good friend who was in Kuala Lumpar bought me back a Louis Vuitton wallet. Yeah ... of course hubby noticed the Louis Vuitton bag and had to spoil the moment with a crappy comment like "what happened to the good old days when women were happy with a wallet from Target?" Not sure if ever I was one of those women. Hubby was sitting with his two best mates who nodded in agreement. Whatever........ Can't wait to team up the wallet with the small Tiffany diary I bought a month ago. MMMMmmmmmm maybe a need a new handbag, might really consider it in the new year. Have to buy black shoes first. Hard to believe but I don't own - or can't find - black shoes. Aren't they meant to be a staple wardrobe item?? Anyway need to sign off, kids are starving, BYE.

P.S. I have recovered since the previous post about useless males.

The male species is useless!!!!

UselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUseless UselessUselessUselessUselessUseless!!!!!

In case you are wandering I am writing this in a very p.......d off state. Very annoyed, disappointed, agitated....

I am sitting at home in my tracksuit at this very moment instead of being all glammed up at the Copeland Trophy (Collingwood best and fairest).

Why why why, you might ask????

Because I listened to a member of the male species. In particular, my other half.

It was a sunny Monday morning in August and I had the phone in my hand ready to ring the Collingwood football club to order my tickets. I then made the BIGGEST mistake in ringing my husband. In my defence, I needed a visa number to purchase my tickets. My husband then convinced me to not purchase the tickets from the Club as we could get them from our friend and maybe we could be sitting on a table near the front. This did not appeal to me anyway as why would I want to sit next to the players??? There is no way that I would approach a player and say "hey, I think you are fabulous." Don't think so!!! But hubby somehow convinced me that it would be better to get the tickets from our friend. Need I remind you all that I at this moment am sitting on the couch at HOME and not at the Crown Casino.

Over the last four weeks on numerous occasions, I reminded my hubby and his mate about the tickets, to which they replied "don't worry, you are definitely going, don't stress." Do you know how many times I heard that?

Guess what????? No tickets. Our friend rang and said he could not get tickets. So hubby rang around (as he was feeling really bad and responsible) and tried and tried but guess what??? No tickets. A couple of people he tried had sold their tickets a couple of days ago!!!

Anyway must explain reasons why I really really wanted to be there tonight?

• As you know I sit with Mr and Mrs Maniac at the football. It was MY job to buy tickets to the Copeland Trophy and Mr Maniac's job to buy tickets for the finals. Mr Maniac on two occasions lined up at 4am to ensure we got great tickets for the games and I could not even make a simple phone call to the Collingwood football club. Can you imagine how I felt having to tell him and his wife I did not have tickets???
• James Clement announced his retirement.
• Nathan Buckley announced his retirement (probably the reason there absolutely no last minute tickets ).
• Was planning to upgrade the photo on my fridge. My best friend took a photo of Allan Didak and myself at last year's Copeland trophy which has remained on my fridge for a whole year. This year was planning to maul another player, in particular Scott Pendlebury. Ha Ha only joking, don't think he is even 20 years old. I am seriously only joking.

Consoling myself in remembering that there is Nathan Buckley's testimonial dinner to look forward to. Might leave the purchasing of tickets to Mr Maniac, clearly he is more capable!!!

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY:

1. Never ever let a member of the male species do anything you can do yourself;
2. Trust your instincts. I think I always knew I was not going. Why else would I not have bought a new dress?????
3. Make sure you own a visa card!!!!!!

Before I sign off might try and guess who I think will make the top 5 of the best and fairest:

1. Tarkyn Lokyer
2. Dane Swan
3. Heath Shaw
4. Scott Pendlebury
5. Scott Burns

Not sure about Travis Cloke.

The agony persists!!!

I must say I am truly touched by all the non footy supporters who text me 'good luck' during extra time on Friday night and also to those who rang me the following day to say 'congratulations.' I am of course referring to the most amazing excruciating win on Friday night and - drum roll please - COLLINGWOOD IS NOW IN THE PRELIMINARY FINAL!!!! Anyway, I really was touched to all of you out there who were genuinely happy for me about the Win. For only the second time ever the footy match went into extra time. Extra time??? The agony persists.... I must mention though that my heart was beating over 100 beats a minute during the last five minutes of normal game time and to save my heart from exploding, I switched off the television. Hard to believe I know, but I could not bear it any more. I did of course remind myself many many times that IT IS ONLY A GAME but the signal was clearly not being sent to the right part of the brain as usual. Hubby now refers to me as being WEAK and somebody WHO CANNOT HANDLE THE PRESSURE. Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think somebody who delivers a breach baby, ie. bum out first, without drugs is WEAK. I absolutely think NOT!!!!!! Back to footy ... I watched the replay after I received several messages and phone calls informing me that we won. This was approximately 11.45pm. I don't know but maybe there are a few closet Collingwood supporters. It is OK, you CAN COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. We are playing Geelong on Friday night. Of all the teams to play do we have to play GEELONG. They are by far the most talented amazing side with about one hundred superstars and we have to play them. So, the agony and heartache persist.

P.S. Must say a big congratulations to Mr and Mrs Maniac. Their daughter delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl - Charlotte Rose- their second grandchild. Hard to believe as they are both in their early 40's. Another Collingwood supporter!

P.S. 2: To Theo and Sam, as it is highly unlikely that the Pies will beat Geelong, how about we go out for champagne anyway.

P.S. 3: Why didn't I fly to WA for the game?

P.S. 4: I am sure some of you will be happy to know the footy season is just about over. No more footy talk. Actually there is trade week - ie. footy trade week - to stress about.

Bye, Go Pies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More facts

Finally I feel inspired to write again and I have donpronto to thank for that. Thank you very much to donpronto. Finally somebody understands my love of facts. I received an e mail from him full of very interesting facts. In particular two:

1. pigs orgasm for 30 minutes, and;
2. lions can mate up to 50 times a day.

Not really sure but I am pretty confident that a male sent the original e mail as the sender is completely fascinated by the above facts but I must admit that I did think they were humorous. The sender decided that in his next life he would like to be a pig!! Apparently its quality over quantity.

Mr E and Miss Love Me Do update

Have not written about the kids for a while. Little Miss was looked after by a friend on Saturday night while I was watching a movie. She had a shower while she was there and you just would not believe what she did .......... she has never ever done this at home..........drum roll please............. SHE POOED IN THE SHOWER. Mind you my friends who were looking after her did not mention a thing to me. It was only when I was tucking little one into bed that night that she told me. Of course I thought she was making it up but it was unfortunately true. And ...... my friend did not clean it up, her husband did!!!!!!! How many husbands would do that???? Not mine, that is for sure.

Mr E has started karate and looks so absolutely adorable in his karate outfit. He now wants to watch Bruce Lee movies. Speaking of adorable, the other night when I was saying goodnight to him, out of the blue, he said to me, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MUM. Must admit my heart melted. Oohhhhhhhhhh

Cannot sign off of course unless I write a little something about the footy. The Pies have made the top eight. Yeah yeah yeah. Very excited that we have made finals. Dont know if we will go further than this week but at least we made the finals. Trying not to think about the fact that it might be Nathan Buckley's last game, might shed a few tears!!!