The male species is useless!!!!

UselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUseless UselessUselessUselessUselessUseless!!!!!

In case you are wandering I am writing this in a very p.......d off state. Very annoyed, disappointed, agitated....

I am sitting at home in my tracksuit at this very moment instead of being all glammed up at the Copeland Trophy (Collingwood best and fairest).

Why why why, you might ask????

Because I listened to a member of the male species. In particular, my other half.

It was a sunny Monday morning in August and I had the phone in my hand ready to ring the Collingwood football club to order my tickets. I then made the BIGGEST mistake in ringing my husband. In my defence, I needed a visa number to purchase my tickets. My husband then convinced me to not purchase the tickets from the Club as we could get them from our friend and maybe we could be sitting on a table near the front. This did not appeal to me anyway as why would I want to sit next to the players??? There is no way that I would approach a player and say "hey, I think you are fabulous." Don't think so!!! But hubby somehow convinced me that it would be better to get the tickets from our friend. Need I remind you all that I at this moment am sitting on the couch at HOME and not at the Crown Casino.

Over the last four weeks on numerous occasions, I reminded my hubby and his mate about the tickets, to which they replied "don't worry, you are definitely going, don't stress." Do you know how many times I heard that?

Guess what????? No tickets. Our friend rang and said he could not get tickets. So hubby rang around (as he was feeling really bad and responsible) and tried and tried but guess what??? No tickets. A couple of people he tried had sold their tickets a couple of days ago!!!

Anyway must explain reasons why I really really wanted to be there tonight?

• As you know I sit with Mr and Mrs Maniac at the football. It was MY job to buy tickets to the Copeland Trophy and Mr Maniac's job to buy tickets for the finals. Mr Maniac on two occasions lined up at 4am to ensure we got great tickets for the games and I could not even make a simple phone call to the Collingwood football club. Can you imagine how I felt having to tell him and his wife I did not have tickets???
• James Clement announced his retirement.
• Nathan Buckley announced his retirement (probably the reason there absolutely no last minute tickets ).
• Was planning to upgrade the photo on my fridge. My best friend took a photo of Allan Didak and myself at last year's Copeland trophy which has remained on my fridge for a whole year. This year was planning to maul another player, in particular Scott Pendlebury. Ha Ha only joking, don't think he is even 20 years old. I am seriously only joking.

Consoling myself in remembering that there is Nathan Buckley's testimonial dinner to look forward to. Might leave the purchasing of tickets to Mr Maniac, clearly he is more capable!!!

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY:

1. Never ever let a member of the male species do anything you can do yourself;
2. Trust your instincts. I think I always knew I was not going. Why else would I not have bought a new dress?????
3. Make sure you own a visa card!!!!!!

Before I sign off might try and guess who I think will make the top 5 of the best and fairest:

1. Tarkyn Lokyer
2. Dane Swan
3. Heath Shaw
4. Scott Pendlebury
5. Scott Burns

Not sure about Travis Cloke.

The agony persists!!!

I must say I am truly touched by all the non footy supporters who text me 'good luck' during extra time on Friday night and also to those who rang me the following day to say 'congratulations.' I am of course referring to the most amazing excruciating win on Friday night and - drum roll please - COLLINGWOOD IS NOW IN THE PRELIMINARY FINAL!!!! Anyway, I really was touched to all of you out there who were genuinely happy for me about the Win. For only the second time ever the footy match went into extra time. Extra time??? The agony persists.... I must mention though that my heart was beating over 100 beats a minute during the last five minutes of normal game time and to save my heart from exploding, I switched off the television. Hard to believe I know, but I could not bear it any more. I did of course remind myself many many times that IT IS ONLY A GAME but the signal was clearly not being sent to the right part of the brain as usual. Hubby now refers to me as being WEAK and somebody WHO CANNOT HANDLE THE PRESSURE. Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think somebody who delivers a breach baby, ie. bum out first, without drugs is WEAK. I absolutely think NOT!!!!!! Back to footy ... I watched the replay after I received several messages and phone calls informing me that we won. This was approximately 11.45pm. I don't know but maybe there are a few closet Collingwood supporters. It is OK, you CAN COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. We are playing Geelong on Friday night. Of all the teams to play do we have to play GEELONG. They are by far the most talented amazing side with about one hundred superstars and we have to play them. So, the agony and heartache persist.

P.S. Must say a big congratulations to Mr and Mrs Maniac. Their daughter delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl - Charlotte Rose- their second grandchild. Hard to believe as they are both in their early 40's. Another Collingwood supporter!

P.S. 2: To Theo and Sam, as it is highly unlikely that the Pies will beat Geelong, how about we go out for champagne anyway.

P.S. 3: Why didn't I fly to WA for the game?

P.S. 4: I am sure some of you will be happy to know the footy season is just about over. No more footy talk. Actually there is trade week - ie. footy trade week - to stress about.

Bye, Go Pies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More facts

Finally I feel inspired to write again and I have donpronto to thank for that. Thank you very much to donpronto. Finally somebody understands my love of facts. I received an e mail from him full of very interesting facts. In particular two:

1. pigs orgasm for 30 minutes, and;
2. lions can mate up to 50 times a day.

Not really sure but I am pretty confident that a male sent the original e mail as the sender is completely fascinated by the above facts but I must admit that I did think they were humorous. The sender decided that in his next life he would like to be a pig!! Apparently its quality over quantity.

Mr E and Miss Love Me Do update

Have not written about the kids for a while. Little Miss was looked after by a friend on Saturday night while I was watching a movie. She had a shower while she was there and you just would not believe what she did .......... she has never ever done this at home..........drum roll please............. SHE POOED IN THE SHOWER. Mind you my friends who were looking after her did not mention a thing to me. It was only when I was tucking little one into bed that night that she told me. Of course I thought she was making it up but it was unfortunately true. And ...... my friend did not clean it up, her husband did!!!!!!! How many husbands would do that???? Not mine, that is for sure.

Mr E has started karate and looks so absolutely adorable in his karate outfit. He now wants to watch Bruce Lee movies. Speaking of adorable, the other night when I was saying goodnight to him, out of the blue, he said to me, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MUM. Must admit my heart melted. Oohhhhhhhhhh

Cannot sign off of course unless I write a little something about the footy. The Pies have made the top eight. Yeah yeah yeah. Very excited that we have made finals. Dont know if we will go further than this week but at least we made the finals. Trying not to think about the fact that it might be Nathan Buckley's last game, might shed a few tears!!!

PLEASE EXPLAIN????

Something is seriously going on with my site, I am unable to sign in unless I leave a comment on somebody else's site. Quite weird.

WARNING: SKIP NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW FOOTY, IN PARTICULAR THE COLLINGWOOD FOOTBALL CLUB.

What happened last night???? We are in desperate need of a please please please EXPLAIN. How could we possibly lose to a side that had only won one other game this year???? I had a very strong feeling that we were going to lose yesterday. Why do teams play crap all year and then decide to play well when they play us?? The worst bit was not that we lost to Richmond or that we gave away unnecessary frees but that we are CRAP. It seriously does not look like we are going to win another game. I had a thought last night walking to my car from the station; in the age of litigation ie. everybody suing, I wander if one day a crazy passionate supporter tries to sue the club they support for the anguish and depression they are experiencing. Crazy I know but I can remember a woman suing two of her male colleagues for sexual harassment because they were discussing something that happened in a Seinfeld episode. Of course this happened in America!! Anyway, next week we play the demons who we have not beaten for ages so not looking good at all.

NON FOOTY SUPPORTERS CAN NOW START READING

Yesterday I went to the dentist after a two year hiatus. All was going well till I sat in the chair and started to feel really scared. What if I needed a root canal or a filling? But all went well and apparently my teeth are ok- $240 later!!! Have spent the day at home with the kids and sick hubby. Too lazy and still thinking about the loss to do anything. Of course we had to have maccas for lunch. Hubby thinks he is dying with gastro. He has been moaning and groaning all day. Too much hard work, at least I managed to go to the supermarket and buy him lemonade icy poles. Geez I am a good wife!!! Actually I did take Miss Love Me Do to dancing class today. I think it is quite disturbing the way she pelvic thrusts and moves those hips at the age of THREE. But she does love dancing and admiring herself in the mirror. Next we went to watch MR E at soccer training, he ducked his head every time the ball went near him. I don't think that he is going to be the next David Beckam. And thank god, would not cope at all with Victoria as my daughter in law.

Just thought of another reason as to why I am a great wife:

AFTER COMING HOME FROM WATCHING THE VERY PATHETIC EFFORT FROM COLLINGWOOD, I WATCHED THE REST OF THE GAME WITH HUBBY WHO IS A TIGERS SUPPORTER. I THEN SANG THE TIGERS THEME SONG WITH HUBBY!!! NOW THAT IS TRUE LOVE AND THE SADDEST PART IS THAT I KNEW MORE WORDS THAN HE DID!!!

Facts....love them!

As you know I am fascinated by facts especially the ones printed on the strips off sanitary products. Actually whoever thought of that I believe is a genius and should be awarded with some sort of nobel prize. Anyway, just want to share some of my favourite facts which by the way, I don't believe are useless pieces of information. One never knows when she might be a contestant on 'who wants to be a millionaire' or 'sale of the century.' Here goes:

1. A person uses approx. 57 sheets of toilet paper each day (I believe that, we are always running out, does not help that I use it to wipe the vanity)
2. An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet (thankfully I don't work in an office)
3. The first couple to be shown in bed on television were Fred and Wilma Flinstone (how cute)
4. On average, women say 7000 words per day, men manage 2000 (no comment).

The following two are my favourite:

5. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US treasury!!!
6. 50% of the population has never received or made a telephone call. This fact had me speechless for quite a while, then I had to make a telephone call to tell somebody about it. Very hard to believe, we can't leave the house without the good old mobile phone.

Hope you enjoyed the above facts.

On another note, I know I am a little crazy when it comes to my beloved Pies however I believe I am not biased. I give credit when it is due and acknowledge other sides. For instance, I think Geelong are fabulous at the moment and feel that they deserve to play in the grand final. I write all this because today I had a little altercation with somebody who is quite biased about their own side and keeps referring to their injury list. I know, I know, I am boring non footy supporters so better change the subject but lets just say I was quite annoyed.

Not sure what else I can write about. I know, I bought another handbag today. Very excited, it is black and quite BIG, to fit all my bits and pieces. Of course, will have to hide it from hubby, he is not happy about my collection of handbags. Suffice to say, I am quite proud of my collection and will take it into consideration when I design my walk in wardrobe in my new house. You should see the look on hubby's face when I discuss my plans with him. Speaking of hubby, he is such a closet Collingwood supporter (Mr and Mrs Maniac agree with this), who else would want to attend the Collingwood best and fairest night but a true supporter. Mmmmmm.

the last few days

I have some sad news today. I found out yesterday that a very kind beautiful older friend I used to work with died of cancer. She had been diagnosed four times with breast cancer and had been fighting this awful disease for years. She was given a year to live about eighteen months ago. I feel very very sad as I had not spoken to her for a while. The last time I spoke to her she was well but feeling tired from the chemo. I thought about her nearly every day and kept wanting to give her a call but wasn't sure if she would be up to it so kept postponing and now it is too late to call. Why is that always the case? I have close friends who I only see once every few months. When we get together we always vow to ring/speak to each other more regularly but it never eventuates. And what is with cancer? So many people are being diagnosed with it now. Modern life / technology must not be having a very good effect on our health.
Just a reminder to all women, weekly self breast examinations are a must. And for any men who are reading this- don't forget the prostate check, yes I know, unpleasant but absolutely necessary!!

Ok should change the mood! Had a very yummy dinner on Friday night. I ate the best most delicious risotto ever at Cecconi's (I think that is how you spell it) which is in Flinders Lane, worth a try. The following day I unfortunately went to most embarassing humiliating football game ever. Actually the second worst after the 2003 Grand Final! Suffice to say I left at half time as could not be bothered witnessing the slaughter in the absolute freezing cold. That match sure shut up the collingwood supporters. They were speechless for a change!!! Anyway the following day my hubby after working night duty dragged himself out of bed to say " you guys got slaughtered, how embarassing" and then went back to bed. What the ......... !!!!! I wish he would not open his mouth sometimes (actually maybe more than sometimes).

Decided to take the kids out for lunch after that spastic comment. My son ordered poached eggs with toast and chips. Is that bad parenting for allowing that? That night both my son and daughter told their father that they wanted a new baby!!! Of course my son wants a brother whilst my daughter has requested a baby sister. Then (drum roll please) my son asked "but how does the baby get into your tummy." I handballed that to hubby but he became speechless. So I said and might I add that I was very impressed with my answer "when two people love each other Jesus puts a baby in mummy's tummy." The little rascal is quite obsessed with Jesus so he accepted my explanation. But he did ask us both if we loved each other, very cute. Later on that night he told me that I was not allowed to yell at daddy anymore and daddy was not allowed to yell at me! As i.........f we ever yell at each other. Must leave it at that as have to watch All Saints.
P.S Hubby is having a massage in the lounge room. What about me?

The joys of motherhood!!!!!

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD CHILDREN OR HAVE A SENSITIVE STOMACH.

SECOND WARNING TO MR MANIAC: YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME I DIVULGE TOO MUCH INFORMATION SO READ AT OWN RISK

Thought I would tell you about my lovely evening. My five year old said he had diarrhoea and needed to go to the toilet. I sent him to the toilet and continued doing my own thing. A few minutes later I could hear him crying. Rushed to the bathroom and very soon I realised my son did not have diarrhoea but was quite constipated. He had tears steaming down his face and was saying "get it out, get it out." Of course I was thinking he could not possibly be referring to his poo? Then he yelled "my poo, mummy, I can't get it out". So I did what only a mother would do, I put the glove on ... and the rest is history.

I recently visited a friend who had just had a baby and she kept asking me why nobody ever tells you what it is really like after you take baby home from the hospital. How can you possibly tell somebody that one day you might be required to wear the glove...

Of course I need to mention the weekend win. Collingwood beat Essendon by 29 points. Go Pies!!! Always lovely when we beat Essendon. I am now at the point where I am not really enjoying the footy because I am too stressed about not winning by enough and our percentage, and not ending up in the top four; blah, blah, blah. Enjoyed the footy more when we were losing nearly every game in 2005. Mr Maniac, with encouragement from his daughter's partner reached another level of craziness. I thought he was really funny, however his wife was not too impressed. The funniest comment of the day was when he yelled at a dud Essendon player "I can smell you from here, you SHIT yourself, still smelling it from here". Maybe you need to be a feral Collingwood supporter to appreciate the comment.

Would also like to commend one of my friends for just being himself and not pretending to be somebody he is not. An old friend of mine got married on the weekend. Many many years ago, back in the old clubbing days, he was known for his flares, platform shoes and afro -outof control- hair style. Sure enough, he continued the tradition on his wedding day. His flares were perfectly tailored to hide his platform shoes, and the hair was exactly the same. Good on his partner for accepting him the way he is. He was never one to conform to the normal. Think I have rambled on enough, getting really late, GOODNIGHT.